Apparently, "talking" is just that - talking to people to get to know them better to see if there is interest of any kind, or any kind of connection. But what happens if the initial "talking" takes a sudden leap beyond, at a real fast pace?
While this whole talking thing with her really only lasted a few weeks, it was the extent of what all happened in that short amount of time that really screwed with my head, and of course, it all ended bad, otherwise I would not be writing this. In the short time, we ended up on several occasions, hanging out half the night, talking, being intimate many times, all the way to the point that she stayed the night. If you can imagine, we easily surpassed the whole talking stage very, very quickly.
Even though she kept saying that she wanted to take it slow throughout the entire few weeks, even though I tried to assure her that I understood, the actions were very different. There were massive feelings on my part, because I am a Pisces, and that shit happens easily, but I believe the reason it ended so bad, was because I actually started to reach her heart, where she may have had just a touch of feelings, and it actually scared the shit out of her, and made her think I was rushing her.
There were multiple times throughout the few weeks that I seriously contemplated walking away, she knew it, and asked me plenty of times to NOT walk away - I swore I wouldn't. Then suddenly, out of the blue, she does exactly that - she walked away. I was actually told by her, that "she is too old to settle down", which makes absolutely zero sense to me.
We are no longer talking, to say the least. I am no longer attending my favorite local bar for over a year now - where she works, and things just suddenly died, because she walked away. I find it profoundly unfortunate that the meeting of two can lead to epic proportions in a glimpse of time, only to be ripped away by fear, due to one's inability to recognize the simplest sensual small moments such as holding a hand, which may have been a memory that would have lasted a lifetime, if the smallest piece of heart could be reached. How sad a world we live in where everything is only surface level, because people are actually happy with their voids. The possibility of never waking in the morning with pieces never fixed, because silent misery tends to become a comfortable home - that's just tragic, yet repeated, because some of us take each day, and people we meet, for granted. Fear should never stop you from taking chances - but taking chances can break hearts, spirits, and any future efforts. Yeah, relationships suck these days.
Let me know your thoughts - feel free to leave your comments.